Were You There When They Crucified My Lord?

 

“Who killed this man?” The question rang through the air with a sudden sharpness like the bang of a gavel.

Judas squirmed in his chair, his lips quivering slightly and his eyes twitching madly. “I-I never meant for it to come to this. Yes... yes, I sold Him out to the authorities. But I thought for sure things would work out somehow. I never dreamed it would come to this.

“Besides--” his voice rose shrilly, with the strength of mania-- “Besides, I really needed that money. Do you know what it's been like being His disciple? He multiplied a little lunch into a fortune's worth of food—and He gave it all away. He performed cures greater than any doctor—but He never charged a fee. He could kill or make alive with a word, but He never made a dime out of it. Everything He did receive, He gave away. With a leader like that, we disciples could have lived like kings. Instead, we lived like vagabonds. Of course, I pocketed a little of our money when I could—He would have just given it away if I hadn't. And so, I took this opportunity when it showed itself. Thirty pieces of silver isn't a lot of money—but it's sure a lot more than I would have gotten any other way.

“Call it greed, if you want. But I wanted something, and this was the only way to get it. But I never meant for it to end this way--”

“Who killed this man?” The question felt strained and ominous in the silence.

Peter's face was drawn and hollow and his voice trembled as he spoke. “Yes, I had a part in this. I was there that night in the garden when they arrested Him. I tried to stop them—give me at least that much credit. But then everything went to pieces. And—and I ran away. I didn't run too far. John was able to get us into the High Priest's house—I don't know what I thought I could accomplish, but I just wanted to know for sure what was happening.

“But then they started pestering me with questions. I could see the suspicion in their eyes, the doubt and distrust. I knew that if I let that suspicion go unchecked, it would get me killed. I could see the direction things were going and that one wrong move would get me dragged into court right beside Him; probably, in the end, hanging on a cross next to Him.

“I was petrified with fear. And so I denied Him—denied that I was His disciple or even knew Him. Call it cowardice, but I was so scared I couldn't do anything else. I was afraid of what might happen, but I never dreamed that things would turn out the way they did...”

“Who killed this man?” The question cut again through the silence, like the beam of a searchlight, seeking an answer.

One of the priests stood up, his jaw set defiantly. “Yes, we orchestrated this whole matter,” he explained, his voice fierce and hard. “We managed the arrest and the trial, even doing what we could to put pressure on Pilate and on the crowd so that things would work out the way we wanted. We colluded and conspired to get an innocent man killed. But you can't blame us for that. We just did what was natural under the circumstances.

“You see--” the priest's eyes flashed slightly as he spoke-- “that man was destroying us. People were listening to Him, instead of listening to us. He could perform miracles that we couldn't perform. This single, uneducated peasant was threatening to draw away all of Israel from us. We would have been ruined. We had to destroy Him or He would have destroyed us.

“You can call it jealousy, but it was the only thing we could have done. It's certainly not our fault if things turned out badly...”

“Who killed this man?” The question rang out again, like the repeating echo of distant thunder.

Pontius Pilate stood in his place, one hand carefully positioned on a pillar, and his face fixed in the official smile of a practiced politician. “Of course,” he explained in an even voice, his tone carefully modulated, “no blame can attach to me in this matter. I acted as any man of my position would have acted. Certainly, the man was innocent and so sending Him to execution was unjust and therefore technically a violation of my role as governor. But consider my position.

“It is no easy task to be governor of Judea. There has been constant trouble and upheaval, and I knew the emperor would not look kindly on any further failure on my part. If I had let this situation get out of hand, I would have been ruined. I didn't want any part of the matter—I washed my hands of the whole affair. Did you notice how masterfully I introduced Barabbas as a means of changing the narrative in His favor? I tried everything I knew, but in the end, I had to agree to their demands or face my own ruin.

“Call it ambition, if you want. But my career and everything I have worked to build up hung on this decision, and so I made the only choice I could. But certainly, I did not mean for it to end this way--”

“Who killed this man?” The question sounded with a strict insistency, like the measured ticking of a clock.

A small group of Jewish workmen glanced at each other uneasily. After some nudging, one of them cleared his throat and spoke. “Yes, it's true that we were there that day. We were among those who called out for His death and asked for Barabbas' release.

“Now you have to understand,” he added hastily, glancing around nervously, “I didn't have anything against the man Himself. Certainly, I had no love for Barabbas. If it'd been up to me, I would have said Jesus should be set free. But everyone else was calling out for His death and I didn't want to stand out, you understand. Besides, with everyone else screaming and yelling, it wouldn't have made any difference anyway.

“I have my job to consider, and my family—it certainly wouldn't do for me to call unwanted attention to myself by going against the crowd. So I just did what everyone else was doing. Call it peer pressure, if you want, but I'm sure you or anyone would have done the same thing. And I just did my part and really didn't know or care how it would turn out in the end.”

“Who killed this man?” Once again, the question struck the air with a hollow reverberation.

The soldier stood at attention, one hand resting on the hilt of his sword. “Yes, it's true that I'm the one who pounded in the nails,” he explained in a respectful monotone. “But me and the others were only doing what we were told. The higher-ups tell you to crucify a man and you crucify Him. And that's all there is to it.

“Well, maybe not all,” he added after a slight pause. “I mean, I had heard stories of this man. And just to see him there it was plain that there was something different about him. I have to admit, with all I had heard and seen of him, I didn't think He really deserved to die—certainly not to die like this. But what could I do? I had my orders and I had to follow them.

“Maybe it was wrong, but it had nothing to do with me. I just did what I was told and never really thought how it might end...”

“Who killed this man?” The question sounded solemnly like the tolling of a heavy gong.

Caiphas stood in his place, his arms folded within the sleeves of his robe. His face was set and unchanging. “If you ask, then, yes, I did have a part in all this. But I accept no guilt and will take no blame. I acted for the good of our nation and our religion.”

He raised his face with a bland smile of self-assurance. “You have no idea the responsibility that falls on me as the High Priest. It is my place to preserve our cherished way of life against the enemies all around us. I must balance in the precipice.

“We are in constant danger. The power of Rome might fall at any moment to wipe us from the face of the earth. Every day might be our last. That is why it falls to me to do everything in my power to prevent the upset of this fragile equilibrium. It is my duty to deal with any threat.

“And this man was a threat. He was a demagogue, stirring up the people with ideas of change and hope. If He had gone on, there would have been rioting and rebellion and Rome would have come in and crushed us all with the hammer of war. The only possible course of action was to bring things to an end before that happened—even if it meant conspiring to kill an innocent man. Only a fool would be blind to this. It is only expedient for one man to die for the people so that the whole nation perish not. 

“You can call it conspiracy or hypocrisy. It matters nothing to me. I have done my duty to my people and to my God, no matter what follows on it.”

“Who killed this man?” The question sounded a final time and then faded into the heavy folds of silence.

And then a figure rose slowly in answer. His voice was broken and low and yet He spoke with confidence and authority: “I lay down my life, that I might take it again. No man taketh it from me, but I lay it down of myself. I have the power to lay it down, and I have the power to take it again. I knew from before the beginning how it would end and for this cause came I into the world.

“I knew there would be those in that time, as there had been before and would be again, who would allow greed to consume them so that it would lead them to betrayal. I knew that men were fearful and would let the dream of safety pull them from their brothers and their God. I knew that jealousy and ambition would drive men into a narrow prison of blind self-absorption. I knew the pressure of popular opinion and authority would sap the life from their souls. I knew that some even in the name of duty and religion would perform acts of corruption and cruelty.

“I knew what sin had made of man and what it would mean to enter into such a world. I knew this world was a place of betrayal and distrust from the beginning to the end; no matter when I had come, it would have been the same. I knew from before the beginning how it would end. And that is why I came.

“I came for their sake; for the sake of those who turned on me. To bring life to those who brought death. I would be cast out so that they might be brought in. I was destroyed so they might be saved and defiled so they might be purified.

“And not just for them, but for all their kind; for all who had been corrupted by sin; for all those who let greed or cowardice or ambition bind them; for all who fought for the kingdom of darkness. For all of them, I came to bring deliverance to the captive.

“Now is the judgment of this world: now shall the prince of this world be cast out. And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me.”